Today was a decent day.

Although today turned out being pretty good, it didn't start that way.

I awoke in a worse-than-usual foggy haze of delirium and a general state of "whatever omnipresent or omnipowerful being that happens to rule this universe, PLEASE let me go back to bed for an hour or twenty."

In addition to this, my computer has been doing this little thing where it likes to frustrate me by not booting. Today it took 15 minutes of turning it off and on to get it to work.

Work had a bad habit of sucking today. Lots of calls, exasperated by me just feeling like I wished I could vanish. My wife was in a bad mood because we're slightly under financed at the moment and she thought she couldn't go down to see her newborn nephew and see her parents on Wednesday, which also happens to be her dad's birthday. So neither of us were happy campers, and we spent most of the morning scowling at each other and wishing things were different.

Then Jen went to work, and my work started slowing down a little (after a period where it got insanely busy for this time of year,) to the point where I was able to hop on World of Warcraft and level my lowbie Paladin to 20.

After work ended, I checked the mail and there was a happy surprise: my $600 stimulus payment from the IRS. So I was able to not be overdrawn, give Jen some money for her trip, and buy a UPS for my computer. Which meant I was happier, Jen was happier, and through some fluke, my computer has been booting perfectly. So I figure there are some crappy wiring issues in my house, and the UPS ensures constant and clean power. Hopefully that keeps up.

To top the night off, my buddy Dave ran me through some quests in WoW and I got a sweet weapon for my Paladin, as well as hitting 21.

Following this, I spent 20 minutes riding 5 miles on our exercise bike, and also I managed to keep myself under 1800 calories for the day, small victory there.

So, things ended much better than they started.

Now, here's some music I've been enjoying from Tegan & Sara: The Con.

Relief Next To Me

A glimmer of hope?

I've been wanting to go back to school for years now, but there's always a ton of reasons not to. Of course, most of them come back to fear: fear of failure, fear of success, fear of the unknown, fear of self, fear of success.

As some of you know, my grandma passed away recently. What I was not aware of until even more recently is that, with my mom being deceased, I become one of the three beneficiaries of her "estate." Which isn't much, but her house is on the market for a little under $90,000, so when it sell, and her bills are paid, I would be getting 1/3 of whatever is left.

So here's what I'm thinking: As long as I go into something related to work, they offer tuition reimbursement. Although I've been doing computer-related things for a while, I can't imagine that being my major, as I don't enjoy it as much as I used to and also I despise math like Henry VIII despised the wives he gleefully beheaded.

But what else could I do? Well, "Business" always seemed such a broad, vague, and uninteresting major to me. I've considered Accounting, but as I said, I hate math with the fiery passion of a million stars gone supernova and.....what? What did you say? Really?

It turns out that the most advanced math in an Accounting major at Weber State is College Algebra. Granted, I had issues with high school algebra (barely squeaked out a C) and last time I tried to take College Albegra I failed...three times. It's above my level. But I didn't try that hard either. Certainly if I actually studied (something I have yet to seriously do in 120+ credit hours of college) and applied myself I could pass it. And I actually find accounting interesting. Frustrating, at my current job, but that's mostly because people call in expecting me to understand it, and I don't, because I haven't, you know, GONE TO SCHOOL FOR IT LIKE THEY HAVE.

So if and when this inheritance comes in, I can pay for a semester of school, and stash the rest away just in case (after paying off debts of course.) Then, finish that semester, pay for the next, and then work should pay back what I spent on the first one. Rinse, and repeat for 3 or 4 years (I could probably do it in 2 but I think I'd need to go part time,) and get a bachelor's degree.

I don't really know what I'd do with the degree, but it would have to be better than what I'm doing now (which is working a job that makes me want to occasionally punch puppies, and barely pays the rent.)

Can I do it? I worry. I don't have a good track record with college. I was a music major for two years, failing a lot of classes because A)music major is TOUGH and b)I was in like 30 bands (well, 11 at one point) which made studying rather difficult. Oh, and I got married in the middle, that will kill college pretty quickly if you aren't one-thousand percent committed. I ended up not going back after the second year.

Then, after a couple years of working dead end minimum-wage jobs, I realized I had to do something, and went to a technical college. I managed to graduate there, although I had a scare the second year where I almost dropped out again. I pulled through though, and got an associates degree in Computer Networking.

A couple years after that, I tried again - went to university, and did three semesters, where even though I was working full time I still managed to pass the bulk of my classes with a B+ average, and knocked out most of my missing generals. Then I lost my job and couldn't afford college anymore, so I had to drop out yet again.

Finally, two years ago I decided to go back again. I was accepted, started classes, then dropped out a couple weeks into it partly because I was working graveyard shifts (10pm - 8am) and going to college in a town 50 miles away, which SUCKED, and partly because I thought I might end up moving to Utah, which did become a reality.

So here I am. Thinking again about doing something that I have failed at before (but also succeeded at, I guess, with the associates degree?) I'm scared, but it feels right at the same time. Maybe more right than any other choice I've made.

All that remains to be seen is if I actually get the money, and if I do, if I have the balls to apply myself and follow through.

White people are odd.

I frequent an internet forum that is mostly (one assumes, and it's a reasonable assumption as I've seen pics of many of them) of pasty white nerds.

Recently, there has been much praise on said boards for an album by one Saul Williams, entitled "The Inevitable Rise and Liberation of Niggy Tardust!"

So I checked it out. It's a hip-hop influenced album that uses the "n-word" about 372.2 times. Now, this doesn't bug me, really, as that's quite common in hip-hop and rap. I was just surprised to hear it, considering the base of people whom I had heard about the album from (i.e pale, computer gaming, xbox loving, white anglo-saxon protestants.)

That said, I'm not a big fan of the genre, so I don't love the album. However, there are a couple gems, including a cover of U2's "Sunday Bloody Sunday," which I will link here for your listening pleasure. It was a surprise to hear, since it's completely NOT like the rest of the album.

Oh, and if you think it sounds oddly like Nine Inch Nails, that would be because Trent Reznor produced the album.

Sunday Bloody Sunday

Grant me strength...

I can't seem to get back into the swing of eating better and exercising.

I know I CAN do it, as at one point I was faithful for over a year, and lost almost 100 pounds. Now I've put half of that back on, most of it in the last 6 months. I've kind of steadied out to where at least I'm not gaining (much) back any more, but I can't seem to get the motivation to get the scale moving the other way again.

For crying out loud...I gave up cigarettes, which is supposedly harder than giving up heroin, (though I highly doubt that....less likely perhaps, because it's easier to get, and legal, and there aren't intervention programs, but but harder? Nah.) Yet, I can't give up food.

Well, obviously I can't give up food, as that would lead to organ failure and death, but I can't seem to give up TOO MUCH food. And the funny thing is...it's 1/3 of my day that kills me. Dinner and after. I do awesome with breakfast and lunch, eat healthy....yogurt, nice sandwiches on wheat bread with light cheese and thin sliced lunch meat, oatmeal, maybe a slim fast, apples, stuff like that. Then dinner often is even quite healthful....a salmon fillet, steamed veggies, brown rice. If I contained it there I'd be at 1500-1800 calories a day and be fine.

But NO. I end up browsing the kitchen, eating a whole package of crackers or heating up an instant ramen chow mein thing (500 calories, no real nutrition) or eating like 10 Popsicles (not much in 1, but when you start talking 10 it ads up.)

Then there's days like today - I had my kids, had no meat defrosted, and needed to take them out...so we ended up at Arby's ordering off the 5 for 5.95 menu, and I pigged out. Again. If we'd gone to McDonalds I could have at least had a snack wrap and a side salad, and ended out the day at less that 2000 calories...instead I had probably close to 2000 calories in one meal.

I'm weak, and I'm ashamed, and I'm tired of it. I have to do better...or eventually I'll end up on some TV show - and being that fatass on Oprah is not how I want to get my 15 minutes of fame.

That was fun. Really!

I felt a headache coming on today, and it seemed like it was going to be a doozy. So, I reached for my bottle of Excedrin Migraine (good stuff) and downed 3 of them.

About 30 minutes later I started feeling...odd. I couldn't keep my eyes open, I literally felt like I was going to just pass out, and the world was spinning.

At first I was confused. "Why am I so tired," I asked myself, "when I got over 8 hours of sleep last night?"

The feeling started getting worse. Then it hit me. I looked at the pill bottle to confirm, and my suspicions were proven correct - in big, bold letter, the label on the bottle proclaimed "EXCEDRIN PM."

I was working at the time, so I took my lunch 2 hours early and slept for an hour. I almost didn't wake back up, fortunately the ringing on the alarm on my phone finally got through the foggy haze surrounding my cerebral cortex.

I still felt like fecal matter, though. Luckily, work was slow, and a little after 3pm they offered to let some folks go home early. I jumped on this like I was a white women getting on one of the last life boats on the Titanic, and immediately went to bed.

Finally, just more than 4 hours later, I awoke. I still feel pretty beat, though. Who would have thought that 3 little pills would do that? I've taken PM before, but almost always at night, and once I took one in the daytime when I had a headache but no normal painkiller around.

Long story short, it kicked my @$$. I will definitely be more careful!

Holy farking schmidt!

I recently (as in 20 minutes ago) discovered that Willie Nelson and Wynton Marsalis put out a blues album. Together. Wynton and Willie. Performing. Together. The Blues. Together.

I don't know if you will understand my abundance of joy at this news or not. Willie Nelson is awesome. Wynton Marsalis is a virtuoso trumpet player and is phenomenal at both jazz and classical playing. The two of them together has the potential to be amazing, like chocolate and peanut butter dipped in the blues and smothered with incredible talent.

I've only listened to two or three tracks so far, but this is great jazz. There's been some great playing not only from Marsalis, but also whoever (I haven't looked at the credits yet) is on the harmonica, saxophone, and bass. Everyone has had a chance to shine, and I'm only 10 minutes in.

I have to admit I'm getting nostalgic listening to this. It's the kind of stuff I used to play. I used to be either the guy kicking back laying down a bass groove or stepping out front to do a tenor sax solo. That part of my life is dead and buried, but every once in a while the zombie awakens, shambles forth from the tomb, and attempts to devour my braaaaaains.

Anyway, here's a sample.

CALDONIA

You Are Megara!

Charming and witty. You are always the first person to come up with a wisecrack. Sure, you have an attitude, but that's why people love you. You keep them on their toes. Sometimes you can be misleading, but always end up doing the right thing for the people you love.

Which Disney Princess Are You?