A rough patch

Things are going less than smoothly lately.

My migraines have been increasing in both frequency and intensity. This seems to happen when the season's change or the weather changes rapidly. Who knows why. I've heard theories that barometric pressure can cause changes in the vascular system of the skull/brain and trigger migraines. maybe there's some truth to that.

Earlier this week I went to start my car and it wouldn't start. Never a fun thing. I ended up walking to the store to get a battery charger that I really couldn't afford, and decided to get a battery post cleaner and clean the post up a bit too. When I took the positive terminal off to clean the post, the terminal just snapped right off the cable. Great. Back to the store, got a new terminal, put it on. Got the car working, hooray me. Did I mention that this whole experience was with a migraine? Try walking a couple miles in bright sunlight sometime with a migraine. It's a character-building experience.

The same day as the car thing, my good computer died. It just refuses to start up. I was having problems before but eventually it would cooperate. Now it's officially gone, I fear. When/If I ever got some cash in my pocket I'll be putting a new power supply in, which I think is the issue, but until then I'm running on my backup PC, which I purchased for like $400 dollars at Walmart. So that tells you what a quality piece of electronics it is, I'm sure.

Finances are tighter than ever, which I expect is true of many people in this downward spiral. It doesn't help that by the time taxes, insurance, benefits, and child support come out of my check, I see less than half of it. I used to get bigger checks working at a gas station.

There are some high points I suppose. Being married so far is beating the pants off of being single. And there is an offer on the table for my grandma's house, so it looks like that will be sold soon. I'm not sure how long after that until I see any inheritance money, but whatever and whenever, it will be most welcome.

That's about it for now. This is kind of a depressing, life sucks kind of emo-kid post, which I don't want you to think is 100% the case. I'm fairly happy, especially considering all the turds floating in the pool at the moment. Just felt like whining a little in written form. It always helps me feel better.

My pirate name is:

Black Roger Cash

Like anyone confronted with the harshness of robbery on the high seas, you can be pessimistic at times. You're musical, and you've got a certain style if not flair. You'll do just fine. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
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Nothings happening

Life is pretty boring right now.

I don't mind this, however. It means I get to play a bit of World of Warcraft and not have a lot of things I need to do.

All's Quiet on the Western Front.

Today was a decent day.

Although today turned out being pretty good, it didn't start that way.

I awoke in a worse-than-usual foggy haze of delirium and a general state of "whatever omnipresent or omnipowerful being that happens to rule this universe, PLEASE let me go back to bed for an hour or twenty."

In addition to this, my computer has been doing this little thing where it likes to frustrate me by not booting. Today it took 15 minutes of turning it off and on to get it to work.

Work had a bad habit of sucking today. Lots of calls, exasperated by me just feeling like I wished I could vanish. My wife was in a bad mood because we're slightly under financed at the moment and she thought she couldn't go down to see her newborn nephew and see her parents on Wednesday, which also happens to be her dad's birthday. So neither of us were happy campers, and we spent most of the morning scowling at each other and wishing things were different.

Then Jen went to work, and my work started slowing down a little (after a period where it got insanely busy for this time of year,) to the point where I was able to hop on World of Warcraft and level my lowbie Paladin to 20.

After work ended, I checked the mail and there was a happy surprise: my $600 stimulus payment from the IRS. So I was able to not be overdrawn, give Jen some money for her trip, and buy a UPS for my computer. Which meant I was happier, Jen was happier, and through some fluke, my computer has been booting perfectly. So I figure there are some crappy wiring issues in my house, and the UPS ensures constant and clean power. Hopefully that keeps up.

To top the night off, my buddy Dave ran me through some quests in WoW and I got a sweet weapon for my Paladin, as well as hitting 21.

Following this, I spent 20 minutes riding 5 miles on our exercise bike, and also I managed to keep myself under 1800 calories for the day, small victory there.

So, things ended much better than they started.

Now, here's some music I've been enjoying from Tegan & Sara: The Con.

Relief Next To Me

A glimmer of hope?

I've been wanting to go back to school for years now, but there's always a ton of reasons not to. Of course, most of them come back to fear: fear of failure, fear of success, fear of the unknown, fear of self, fear of success.

As some of you know, my grandma passed away recently. What I was not aware of until even more recently is that, with my mom being deceased, I become one of the three beneficiaries of her "estate." Which isn't much, but her house is on the market for a little under $90,000, so when it sell, and her bills are paid, I would be getting 1/3 of whatever is left.

So here's what I'm thinking: As long as I go into something related to work, they offer tuition reimbursement. Although I've been doing computer-related things for a while, I can't imagine that being my major, as I don't enjoy it as much as I used to and also I despise math like Henry VIII despised the wives he gleefully beheaded.

But what else could I do? Well, "Business" always seemed such a broad, vague, and uninteresting major to me. I've considered Accounting, but as I said, I hate math with the fiery passion of a million stars gone supernova and.....what? What did you say? Really?

It turns out that the most advanced math in an Accounting major at Weber State is College Algebra. Granted, I had issues with high school algebra (barely squeaked out a C) and last time I tried to take College Albegra I failed...three times. It's above my level. But I didn't try that hard either. Certainly if I actually studied (something I have yet to seriously do in 120+ credit hours of college) and applied myself I could pass it. And I actually find accounting interesting. Frustrating, at my current job, but that's mostly because people call in expecting me to understand it, and I don't, because I haven't, you know, GONE TO SCHOOL FOR IT LIKE THEY HAVE.

So if and when this inheritance comes in, I can pay for a semester of school, and stash the rest away just in case (after paying off debts of course.) Then, finish that semester, pay for the next, and then work should pay back what I spent on the first one. Rinse, and repeat for 3 or 4 years (I could probably do it in 2 but I think I'd need to go part time,) and get a bachelor's degree.

I don't really know what I'd do with the degree, but it would have to be better than what I'm doing now (which is working a job that makes me want to occasionally punch puppies, and barely pays the rent.)

Can I do it? I worry. I don't have a good track record with college. I was a music major for two years, failing a lot of classes because A)music major is TOUGH and b)I was in like 30 bands (well, 11 at one point) which made studying rather difficult. Oh, and I got married in the middle, that will kill college pretty quickly if you aren't one-thousand percent committed. I ended up not going back after the second year.

Then, after a couple years of working dead end minimum-wage jobs, I realized I had to do something, and went to a technical college. I managed to graduate there, although I had a scare the second year where I almost dropped out again. I pulled through though, and got an associates degree in Computer Networking.

A couple years after that, I tried again - went to university, and did three semesters, where even though I was working full time I still managed to pass the bulk of my classes with a B+ average, and knocked out most of my missing generals. Then I lost my job and couldn't afford college anymore, so I had to drop out yet again.

Finally, two years ago I decided to go back again. I was accepted, started classes, then dropped out a couple weeks into it partly because I was working graveyard shifts (10pm - 8am) and going to college in a town 50 miles away, which SUCKED, and partly because I thought I might end up moving to Utah, which did become a reality.

So here I am. Thinking again about doing something that I have failed at before (but also succeeded at, I guess, with the associates degree?) I'm scared, but it feels right at the same time. Maybe more right than any other choice I've made.

All that remains to be seen is if I actually get the money, and if I do, if I have the balls to apply myself and follow through.

White people are odd.

I frequent an internet forum that is mostly (one assumes, and it's a reasonable assumption as I've seen pics of many of them) of pasty white nerds.

Recently, there has been much praise on said boards for an album by one Saul Williams, entitled "The Inevitable Rise and Liberation of Niggy Tardust!"

So I checked it out. It's a hip-hop influenced album that uses the "n-word" about 372.2 times. Now, this doesn't bug me, really, as that's quite common in hip-hop and rap. I was just surprised to hear it, considering the base of people whom I had heard about the album from (i.e pale, computer gaming, xbox loving, white anglo-saxon protestants.)

That said, I'm not a big fan of the genre, so I don't love the album. However, there are a couple gems, including a cover of U2's "Sunday Bloody Sunday," which I will link here for your listening pleasure. It was a surprise to hear, since it's completely NOT like the rest of the album.

Oh, and if you think it sounds oddly like Nine Inch Nails, that would be because Trent Reznor produced the album.

Sunday Bloody Sunday

Grant me strength...

I can't seem to get back into the swing of eating better and exercising.

I know I CAN do it, as at one point I was faithful for over a year, and lost almost 100 pounds. Now I've put half of that back on, most of it in the last 6 months. I've kind of steadied out to where at least I'm not gaining (much) back any more, but I can't seem to get the motivation to get the scale moving the other way again.

For crying out loud...I gave up cigarettes, which is supposedly harder than giving up heroin, (though I highly doubt that....less likely perhaps, because it's easier to get, and legal, and there aren't intervention programs, but but harder? Nah.) Yet, I can't give up food.

Well, obviously I can't give up food, as that would lead to organ failure and death, but I can't seem to give up TOO MUCH food. And the funny thing is...it's 1/3 of my day that kills me. Dinner and after. I do awesome with breakfast and lunch, eat healthy....yogurt, nice sandwiches on wheat bread with light cheese and thin sliced lunch meat, oatmeal, maybe a slim fast, apples, stuff like that. Then dinner often is even quite healthful....a salmon fillet, steamed veggies, brown rice. If I contained it there I'd be at 1500-1800 calories a day and be fine.

But NO. I end up browsing the kitchen, eating a whole package of crackers or heating up an instant ramen chow mein thing (500 calories, no real nutrition) or eating like 10 Popsicles (not much in 1, but when you start talking 10 it ads up.)

Then there's days like today - I had my kids, had no meat defrosted, and needed to take them out...so we ended up at Arby's ordering off the 5 for 5.95 menu, and I pigged out. Again. If we'd gone to McDonalds I could have at least had a snack wrap and a side salad, and ended out the day at less that 2000 calories...instead I had probably close to 2000 calories in one meal.

I'm weak, and I'm ashamed, and I'm tired of it. I have to do better...or eventually I'll end up on some TV show - and being that fatass on Oprah is not how I want to get my 15 minutes of fame.

That was fun. Really!

I felt a headache coming on today, and it seemed like it was going to be a doozy. So, I reached for my bottle of Excedrin Migraine (good stuff) and downed 3 of them.

About 30 minutes later I started feeling...odd. I couldn't keep my eyes open, I literally felt like I was going to just pass out, and the world was spinning.

At first I was confused. "Why am I so tired," I asked myself, "when I got over 8 hours of sleep last night?"

The feeling started getting worse. Then it hit me. I looked at the pill bottle to confirm, and my suspicions were proven correct - in big, bold letter, the label on the bottle proclaimed "EXCEDRIN PM."

I was working at the time, so I took my lunch 2 hours early and slept for an hour. I almost didn't wake back up, fortunately the ringing on the alarm on my phone finally got through the foggy haze surrounding my cerebral cortex.

I still felt like fecal matter, though. Luckily, work was slow, and a little after 3pm they offered to let some folks go home early. I jumped on this like I was a white women getting on one of the last life boats on the Titanic, and immediately went to bed.

Finally, just more than 4 hours later, I awoke. I still feel pretty beat, though. Who would have thought that 3 little pills would do that? I've taken PM before, but almost always at night, and once I took one in the daytime when I had a headache but no normal painkiller around.

Long story short, it kicked my @$$. I will definitely be more careful!

Holy farking schmidt!

I recently (as in 20 minutes ago) discovered that Willie Nelson and Wynton Marsalis put out a blues album. Together. Wynton and Willie. Performing. Together. The Blues. Together.

I don't know if you will understand my abundance of joy at this news or not. Willie Nelson is awesome. Wynton Marsalis is a virtuoso trumpet player and is phenomenal at both jazz and classical playing. The two of them together has the potential to be amazing, like chocolate and peanut butter dipped in the blues and smothered with incredible talent.

I've only listened to two or three tracks so far, but this is great jazz. There's been some great playing not only from Marsalis, but also whoever (I haven't looked at the credits yet) is on the harmonica, saxophone, and bass. Everyone has had a chance to shine, and I'm only 10 minutes in.

I have to admit I'm getting nostalgic listening to this. It's the kind of stuff I used to play. I used to be either the guy kicking back laying down a bass groove or stepping out front to do a tenor sax solo. That part of my life is dead and buried, but every once in a while the zombie awakens, shambles forth from the tomb, and attempts to devour my braaaaaains.

Anyway, here's a sample.

CALDONIA

You Are Megara!

Charming and witty. You are always the first person to come up with a wisecrack. Sure, you have an attitude, but that's why people love you. You keep them on their toes. Sometimes you can be misleading, but always end up doing the right thing for the people you love.

Which Disney Princess Are You?

Ramblin' thoughts

So, I don't really have a dang thing to blog about and there's like 1.72 people that read this anyway so why does it matter? Because I'm bored, I guess.

We went bowling tonight, and I actually did fairly well. By fairly well of course I mean I didn't break my foot by dropping the ball on it, and I didn't fall down and slide down the lane trying to throw the ball.

I got a 149 the first game and a 133 the second. Not great, but considering my average is 120 it means I'm either improving or got lucky, and I'll gladly take either option.

I'm thinking of joining a league this fall. I need to do something to get me out of the house and into a social situation every once in a while, ESPECIALLY now that I'm working from home and I can almost get away without showering for a week (if I wanted, fortunately I'm a bit too much of a germophobe to let myself go without taking one every day, even if the farthest I'm going that day is from the computer to the bathroom to take said shower.)

It would be nice to have something to look forward to once a week like that, and who knows? I may even get some friends out of it. I've made some friends at work, but I could probably use to expand my social circle a bit instead of being a hermit crab. Or possibly a crabby hermit.

Obtain Intellect....

Last Sunday the wife and I went out to see Get Smart, and I thought I'd post a thought or two.

Overall, it was a pretty good movie. I had a lot of laughs while watching it. For some reason, however, I was left feeling kind of disappointed. I don't know if it is because I expected more, or of it's simply because I'd seen The Dark Knight a couple nights earlier, and that experience raised the bar by which I judge all movies. I think maybe it's the latter.

Steve Carell was, of course, well suited to the role of the slightly bumbling, socially awkward, yet occasionally competent Maxwell Smart. Many of his roles are just slight variations of the same character - fortunately I haven't gotten tired of that character just yet. Even in Dan In Real Life, where he did play a more serious and emotional role, the Michael Scott/Andy Sitzer/Maxwell Smart-type character peeks through (and those are the funniest moments in that film as well.)

The rest of the cast performed adequately. No one really stood out in my mind as doing an extremely memorable job (except for maybe that huge henchman, who, in spite of being played by a professional wrestler, managed to display some believable emotion.)

There were a few spots that went too far in the search for the funny - one scene shows Smart riding in the back of a fighter jet, filling a barf bag up with, well, barf, and pointing it directly into the camera. In another scene (and haven't we seen this in about 100 other movies?) he is trying to move the unconscious body of a very fat man, and when someone sees this from an outside angle, it appears that they are engaging in vigorous (yet fully clothed,) sex! I don't know if this was funny the first time it was used as a sight gag, let alone the 100th. But, the rest of the audience laughed, so I may be alone in this opinion.

Like I said, I really enjoyed the movie. I'm not sure why I'm being so critical of it...maybe because I feel it could have been incredible instead of merely good. As a whole, Get Smart, in spite of what it did accomplish, seems to me like it had quite a bit of wasted potential.

-------------------------------------

In other news, here's a song. It's one I heard when it was used in the trailer for the movie Underworld.

Red Tape

Why so serious?

I'm glad I went to the midnight showing of the Dark Knight, in spite of my reservations.

The movie is phenomenal. The hype that has been leading up to it, believe it or not, is mostly accurate. Sure, the Hollywood machine has it's gears turning and churning to make sure the movie makes tons of money, but this time it deserves it. (Completely the opposite of Madagascar 2, for which the hype wheels are also turning but it is in desperation to milk as much money out of a movie that looks to be an even bigger pile of steaming zoo animal excrement than was the first. Seriously! Every time one of those monkey-lemur-devil animals starts singing "I want to move it, move it," my food tries to move-it-move-it back from my stomach into my mouth.)

I was especially worried that the buzz surrounding how phenomenal Heath Ledger's performance was would prove to be ill-founded. I'm happy to say that I was worrying in vain. While his untimely death does change the way most people are going to view this performance, it does not change the fact that he poured himself so deeply and so strongly into this character that I never once thought I was looking at Heath Ledger playing The Joker. I was watching The Joker. And he was amazing. Were Ledger still alive he would have a very difficult task of ever topping this performance I believe. He was a great actor, but here he has created himself a legend.

The other thought I had about this movie is that it isn't a "Comic Book Movie" or "Superhero Movie," or at least not like any we've had so far. "Iron Man" was a good movie, but if Iron Man hadn't already been an established character from comic book canon, would it have been as good of a movie? Or would it have just been a Rocketeer ripoff? The X-Men movies, particularly the first one, helped show the world that comic book movies can be good...but how good would it have been if the X-Men were newly created characters?

Even if I had never known that such a character as Batman existed, be in in comics, the old movies, the old tv series, whatever.....I honestly think this movies STILL would have rocked my world. It's deeper and more philosophical that any comic book movie I've seen to this point, the themes and ideals would work regardless of the characters. The fact that the movie does not need to be about Batman to make it great is what makes it an even more incredible Batman movie.

The movie is long. Don't drink a lot before you go, because you will not want to miss a minute of this movie. Even the parts that suck compared to the rest of the movie are still better than the best moments of many other movies I've watched.

I may actually see this movie in the theater again. With only one exception, I have never seen a movie in the theater twice, and that exception was Return of the King. And that was only because the second time I got in free.

In other words - Go see this movie as soon as you are able.

If you're happy and you know it punch the wall...

I've been hella grumpy lately. I'm not entirely sure why.

I ponder it long, I ponder it hard. Which, when I stop to think about it, is an exercise in futility (much like trying to see a redeeming quality in reality tv,) due to the fact that I'm bipolar and really don't need or have a reason to be in ultra-crappy moods. Or, at least the reason is happening and a synapse-to-synapse level in my brain. Or something.

Like many people, however, I do not like these moods. It affects my job performance, and my importantly my relationship with my wife and kids. Since I don't see my kids very often, it always drives me to extreme guilt when the time they do have to share with me is marred by me being cranky, sullen, and quick to anger.

Long story short? Mental illness sucks.

On a happier note, here's a song!

(Lacuna Coil - Swamped)

Never, ever, ever in my 33 years have I had any desire to go see a movie at a midnight showing.

Honestly, it's rare that I even make an effort to see a movie in the theaters at all these days, let alone opening weekend.

I have tickets to see Dark Knight at 12:01 am on the 18th.

I'm dying, aren't I?

Ahhh, the refreshing smell of family....

Every year my wife's family has a huge 4th of July hootenanny. Or maybe it's a shindig. Anyhoo, it's a big party. Some years up to 100 people (they are mormon, so it's a big family.)

This year it's being hosted by her brother and his wife. It's kind of an official event, with invitations being sent out (including a task of which food to bring.) Everyone else has received an invitation. We haven't.

So, we're not sure what to do. Did they just overlook us? Or, since we have been "living in sin" until recently, did they decide they don't want to associate with us? Who knows. And honestly, I tend to find them to be self-righteous pricks anyway, so I don't think I'd be heartbroken if we didn't go. On the other hand, it's her family, and she'll want to go. Plus, it's lots of free food. And they have a hot tub. Hot tubs rule.

If we do go, I'm going to make sure I go topless, into the hot tub, so everyone can see my tattoos and nipple piercings. That should be fun, watching the various looks of disdain and indignation.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go polish my nipple rings. I want to make sure that the sun glints majestically off of them as my sinful flesh enjoys the massaging warming goodness that is a hot tub.

This is a test

80% Geek

Created by OnePlusYou

Honestly, I would have thought I would score a little lower. I'm geeky, sure. But there are many, many, many people out there who out-geek me.

Starbucks and hypocrisy are like chocolate and peanut butter.

I used to laugh and mock and berate and generally verbally abuse people who are patrons of Starbucks. I mean really, what kind of self-aggrandizing, arrogant, yuppie assholes need to spend 4 or 5 bucks for a cup of coffee when you can brew one for yourself at home for a quarter, right?

Well, that was before I discovered the Vanilla Bean Frappucino with two shots of Espresso added.

Apparently, I'm a self-aggrandizing, arrogant, yuppie asshole.

Although, to rationalize and justify this to myself, I have to concede that a Vanilla Bean Frappucino with two shots of Espresso added is NOT something I could duplicate at home. So its not like I'm some kind of corporate whore, right?

At least, that's what I tell myself in order to sleep at night.

My wife is odd.

She freely admits it, so I don't feel guilty saying it.

She drew this for me.


Strange on so many levels. Not to mention the varying reactions of those that see it. Mostly, they see penises and freely flowing fluids (credits to M.M. for the alliteration.)

Rawr! (alternately: Funny things you say to gay men.)

So..I work with a gentleman who is very cool, and very gay. He's also a World of Warcraft playing nerd.

So, we were standing around the water cooler (drinking fountain) one day, and he brings up one of the newest features in the latest Expansion Pack of World of Warcraft.

"So, did I tell you about the Bear Mount?"

I quickly replied "no, is that a new gay bar?"

He looked at me blankly for a moment, finally got it, and proceeded to almost asphyxiate from laughing too hard.